Triple Date Hell
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: Donna gets in a cat fight, the Doctor is being annoying, Jack is flirting, Rose and Martha are talking about him and a Slitheen gate crashes, can this triple date get any worse? Mickey/Martha, 10Rose and Jack/Donna


Mickey fiddled with his tie, feeling remarkably uncomfortable. He was in a grey suit, plain white shirt and black tie and he looked like he was going to one of the boring Torchwood meetings back in Pete's world than a night out with one of the most gorgeous women of planet Earth.

"I don't think we should do this" he voiced his main thought that had been buzzing around his mind since the plans had been made. "It's going to end in disaster, I'm telling you babe"

Martha Jones put down her blusher brush and met his eye in the mirror. Her hair was done up in some sort of spiky bun, her eyes outlined almost as thickly as Rose used to do it and the dark red silk of her dress emphases her curves. "It won't, everything will go smoothly. Aliens can't invade every night" she said calmly. "Even if it is the Doctor"

"I'm telling you, he'll insult everyone there, Jack will hit on everyone, Donna will cause a riot and Rose will get us all arrested. It'll be chaos. We're better off staying home and ordering some Chinese"

Martha clucked her tongue. "You're being melodramatic" she got up and swayed her hips as she walked towards him, entwining her hands around his neck, her breath tickling his lips. "I promise you, if a sign of destruction appears, I will drag you home and we'll have a very long early night"

Mickey grinned. "Well then, let's get this show on the road before the Doctor blows it up"

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"Ah! Mickey, Mickety Mick, Mick!" the Doctor cried out cheerfully as he ran over to give Mickey and Martha a hug. "And Dr Martha Jones, hello, so nice to see you all again. You look a little too dressed up there Mickey? Just got out of a business meeting? I always hated UNIT it was always guns this, guns that, meeting now, meeting then, and oh the paperwork. Rassilion I hated the paperwork"

As the Doctor ranted Rose appeared from behind him and turned to say hello to Martha while Mickey decided to ignore the remark about his outfit, of course compared to the Doctor and Jack who both never changed their usual clothes, he looked like a right plonker in his grey suit that didn't suit him at all. "Hello Boss, how are you?" he said politely.

"Oh, I'm fine, more than fine, brilliant, amazing, fantastic, magnificent...sorry what was the question again?"

Mickey rolled his eyes. "Never mind, hello Rose, how are you?" he said turning to his ex-girlfriend/best friend. She looked beautiful in her small black dress and freshly done make up. Living as a high class society girl had changed Rose's fashion sense a lot in the past five years before she was reunited with the Doctor, she worse less make-up and her clothes were classier.

"I'm fine, thanks, how's you?" she asked grinning.

"Good"

"Well isn't it Mickey Mouse and Martha Jones" a flirtatious American drawl said from behind them. They turned to see Jack in of course in his 1940s garb, hand in hand with Donna Noble who wore a low cut top and black trousers.

"Stop it" the Doctor said instantly.

"Doctor, hello there gorgeous. How are you?" Jack grinned, wincing slightly as Donna stomped on his foot.

"Oi! Pretty-Boy leave Space-Boy and the others alone. I'm starving, let's go in and start ordering. Maybe we should get some wine; we haven't had a proper knee up since Sarah's birthday"

"After that night I wouldn't be surprised if Sarah Jane never invites us again" Mickey muttered darkly as he followed his friends into the restaurant.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"May I take your order, sir?"

"Well, handsome I wouldn't mind having you as the main course with a side dish of whipped cream" Jack said smoothly, shaking the waiter's hand. "Captain Jack Harkness"

"Stop it" the Doctor said in a warning voice. "Before I let Donna castrate you"

Mickey glanced from the corner to his eye to see Donna, Martha and Rose in a fit of giggles as they were obviously talking about the Doctor's antics....again. It always seems to be an icebreaker for them. Donna who was close to both Martha and Rose didn't need it but Rose and Martha themselves still had a little tension between them because of Mickey himself and the Doctor. Women, you can't live with them, can't live without them.

"Donna doesn't mind, I'm allowed to flirt just not actually follow the waiter into a closet" Jack said dismissively. "It's you lot that Donna doesn't like me flirting with, something about running our friendships I don't know what she's talking about, I mean there's nothing like a good bit of flirting to keep the friendship interesting right?"

Mickey and the Doctor exchanged glances. "No" they said in unison before shifting as far as possible from Jack.

Donna turned to face the disturbed waiters. "Erm yes, I'll have the lobster with some red wine, the gormless twat in the brown suit will have a steak and chips, the idiot in the grey suit will also have stake and chips, the sex bomb across me wants the same. Blimey you three aren't very original are you? The woman beside me would like the chicken in white wine sauce and the blonde who's obviously making goo-goo eyes at the gormless twat (don't think I can't see you, Rose) will have the gammon please"

The waiter noted it down ignoring the annoyed and irritated looks coming from the rest of the table. "And to do drink, Ma'am?"

"A glass of your best red wine for all of us, no Doctor you cannot have banana milkshake or a cup of tea for god's sake we're in a proper restaurant! And Jack don't even think of asking for champagne, you know that stuff makes me hornier than usual!"

Mickey sunk down in his seat in embarrassment. Maybe the gods will be so kind to put this poor Tin Dog out of his misery and let him die now before the dinner arrives and the Doctor sets the wine on fire because something like that was bound to happen sooner or later.

Martha kicked him under the table. "Sit up" she hissed. "You're being an embarrassment?"

He was being an embarrassment? Donna just announced she's horny, Jack is hitting on the waiter, the Doctor is playing with the cutlery while also very obviously playing footsie with Rose, since the pair won't stop giggling. And he was the embarrassing one? Well wasn't that wizard?

Oh someone kill him now, he just said a Donna Noble thing.

"We're going to the bathroom, be back soon" Donna said blowing a kiss to Jack as she, Martha and Rose got up. The Doctor pouted and looked up pleadingly at Rose, snatching her hand. Jeeze and Mickey thought he was the cling on out of the group. "Oh let her go, you're not a three year old Doctor, she's not going to fall into the void while taking a pee!"

The Doctor let Rose's hand go and blushed brightly as Rose walked hurriedly away, head bent down in humiliation as Donna dragged her to the bathroom.

"They're going to talk about us" Jack said observantly.

"Eh?" Mickey blinked. "But they talked about the Doctor from the moment they met up till now"

"Ah but that's just the Doctor, we always talk about the Doctor, companion rights to bitch about him, remember?"

"OI!" the Doctor protested.

"They going to talk dirty secrets about us. Like how good we are in bed and our nasty habits and whether we snore or not"

Mickey felt a sweat come upon him, he didn't like the sound of that, tugging at his collar and swallowing hard, he looked round for that waiter with the wine by the sounds of it he'll need lots of it.

"They only do that if they all been with us" the Doctor argued. "All my companions complain about me because they have all lived with me. The only one out of those three that I have.....gone to bed with so to speak, is Rose"

"C'mon you can say shag or fuck or made love to just like any other man" Jack said teasingly causing the Doctor to flush a bright pink. "And just because you only shagged one of them doesn't mean us two have. Mickey has slept with Rose and Martha and me....well does it need saying?"

The Doctor's eyes darkened. "You better not have touched Rose or I shall make your life a living hell" he growled.

Mickey paled slightly and grabbed onto the table for something to hold. He eyed his fork and wondered if it would be a good enough weapon against a furious Time Lord. But before Jack could make another stupid remark to set the Time Lord off and shrill scream could be heard in the bathroom as Rose and Martha staggered out of the bathroom, Martha's hair falling out of its bun.

"Doctor, Jack, Mickey, its awful!" Martha gasped staggering towards them in her high heels.

Jack held onto her, helping her regain her balance. "What? What is it? What happened?" he asked worriedly.

"Donna's in a catfight" Rose explained looking a little pale.

"WANT TO REPEAT THAT AGAIN, BITCH?!"

They jumped a mile hearing Donna's shrill voice from the bathroom and made a run for it to stop her attacking the poor helpless woman....

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

After they managed to pull Donna of said poor helpless woman, they were kicked out of the restaurant and barred for life. Apparently the woman was the mayor's wife....though according to Donna she was a snotty woman who made a racist comment to Martha, told Rose she wasn't worth cleaning the toilets there let alone use them and announced to Donna that she didn't deserve such a handsome man. Mickey was beginning to think the woman deserved no sympathy as Donna carried on her story along the way to another restaurant near the Torchwood Hub and the TARDIS.

They ended up in a smaller restaurant; Mickey had opted to sit on the other side of the Doctor in case he had any more homicidal urges in protecting Rose's already non-existent virtue. Jack had obviously decided the same as Mickey ended up between the two love birds, it was very uncomfortable having Jack goosing him instead of Donna.

"Jack, I shall ask you again" Martha hissed darkly over her spaghetti bolognaise. "Stop touching my boyfriend's bum. It's mine not yours"

"But Martha, it's such a fine piece of ass" Jack whined.

Donna whacked him over the head with her clutch. "You heard her, lay off the Tin Dog and touch mine instead"

Mickey groaned and wished the ground below him will swallow him whole.

"And you Doctor!" Martha snapped, turning her glare at the Doctor who had already polished off his double cheese and bacon burger and chips and was trying to lean over to snatch one of Rose's chips. "Can stop touching my boobs, they're not Rose's"

The Doctor startled slipped out of his chair and ended up face first in Martha's dinner. At the exact same time the window smashed causing everyone to duck and some of the other customers (who had been staring at the six of them with strange looks) began to scream.

A large green alien with dark beady eyes stood there, the smell got to Mickey first before the sight. That smell was something he could never forget, it was a Slitheen.

"Where is he? The Great Doctor who thought he could take the love of my life?"

"Blimey Doc and you call me an intergalactic playboy" Jack said grinning; the Slitheen grabbed Jack by the throat and stared at him for a moment, breathing heavily over Jack. "Excuse me big green and gorgeous I think you need a breath mint before we even think of kissing"

The Slitheen let out a howl of fury before throwing Jack against the wall opposite. "Oi!" Donna yelled standing up. "Who do you think you are throwing my boyfriend around like that?"

"Donna, no!" Rose shouted tackling Donna to the ground as the Slitheen made a swipe at her with his large claw. "Slitheens are stronger than humans"

"I am not a Slitheen, I am Jorge-Blergh Bo-should the fifth and I would have married a Slitheen if the Doctor had not killed her!" the Slitheen shouted, flinging the table aside and grabbing hold the Doctor by the scuff of collar. "I shall kill you Doctor"

"Listen everyone a Slitheen's weakness is vinegar, just grabbed a bottle and squirt!" Mickey shouted taking control of the situation.

"I'm not a Slitheen!" the green alien roared. "I am a Ra-"

From all sides, surrounding him, the group of friends began to squirt the vinegar bottles at him, hitting him left, right, behind and centre. Letting out a howl of pain the 'Slitheen' dropped the Doctor, squirming in pain before exploding.

Covering everyone in green gunk.

DWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDWDW

"I told you didn't I?" Mickey grumbled as he wiped off the green gunk of his face. "I told you this would end in disaster; it always does whenever we go out with those four. They're trouble magnets"

"And we're not?" Martha shot back. "Look, you're right, I get it but that's enough. Let's go home before you do the I –told-you-so dance"

Mickey froze. "Rose told you that, huh?" Martha nodded, a small smile growing on her lips. "What else has she told you?" Mickey asked anxiously, remembering Jack's words earlier that night.

Martha grinned. "Is it true that you wet the bed up till you were ten?"

Mickey blushed furiously. "Did you really Mickey?" the Doctor exclaimed from behind them, they turned to see him squeaky clean and Rose beside him wiping the rest of the Slitheen's guts off of her dress. "You said little boy, that's...that's almost as priceless as the time you screamed like a little girl with pigtails. Oh Mickey, you really do make me laugh, Mickey the idiot"

"Oh stop teasing the poor boy" Donna scolded still covered in green gunk. "Weren't you the one who wet himself when we were on that rollercoaster in Alton Towers?"

The Doctor looked defensive. "I had three giant cokes and the ride took us upside down, really high up and I mean really, really, really, really high up. It was terrifying and I needed the loo!"

Rose, Donna and Martha crumbled into giggles while Mickey laughed. "Doctor I didn't know you were terrified of heights" Jack purred wrapping an arm round the Doctor. "I would have held you in my warm embrace and kept you safe"

"Gerroff!" the Doctor grumbled pulling away from Jack. "Look since it got messed up tonight, how about we go to the TARDIS, have a shower and then go to Pluto in the 65th century, they have the best restaurants you can dream about"

"NO!" everyone shouted.

"We'll end up arrested!" Rose said. "Or facing a death sentence!"

"Worse even you'll get the timing wrong on the way there and the way back" Jack added.

"I'm tired and want an early night with my bloke" Donna said stubbornly.

"And this date was already hell to begin with" Mickey said finally, snatching Martha's hand up. "We're going home! Next time someone suggests a triple date ignore them or better yet lock them up in an asylum!"

Rose blinked. "But Mickey weren't you the one that suggested this in the first place?"


End file.
